Last July, as a congratulatory gift for securing my first steady job, my parents surprised me with a 36-inch flat-screen television. I walked into my room after a 10-hour shift to find the TV sitting on my dresser. I immediately began unhooking my boxy 19-inch and installing the upgrade in its place. At the time, I was happy, excited, thankful, etc. But at the risk of sounding ungrateful, I now wish my parents would have just asked me first.

I mean, this was certainly the kind of TV I wanted.  I did express interest in buying a new TV, preferably a flat-screen. But you see, this television was—brace yourself—rent-to-own! This means that a weekly payment of $18.01 has to be paid towards this TV. Every Saturday. At the moment, I’m still making these payments and, according to my receipt, I’ll be making them for another eight or nine months.

So let’s break this down. Wal-Mart sells an RCA 37” LCD flat-panel TV for around $350. Best Buy has a Westinghouse 37” for $380. When taken into consideration, those are pretty decent prices for a television set that you can also use as a computer monitor, has a built-in digital receiver, is wall-mountable, etc.

I can’t remember the exact date I began making these payments, but I could somewhat accurately guess that it was last July. That was over a year and five months ago, which evens out to around 67 weeks. This matches up to my receipt, so we’ll go with that. 67 weeks X $18.01  = $1,206.67 (Well, would you look at that; I HAVE ALREADY PAID OVER A THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR THIS TV). Nevertheless, let’s not forget about the fact that I still have 37 payments left, here. That’s another $666.37 (a hellishly high number), bringing my total up to $1,873.04. Wow.

As a side note, I’d like to mention how ANNOYING it is to pay for something that costs X amount of dollars and ONE PENNY. There are four individuals at RentOne (the rent-to-own company) who tend to the register. An accurate summation of this situation is that 75% of the people who work here are decent human beings and will always wave the penny and simply give me two dollars change. Yet the other 25% consists of some neurotic, by-the-book old guy who insists on giving me a dollar bill and 99 cents back. He also can’t count change very well, so he’s not quick about it, either. How does this man sleep at night? Back to the issue at hand…

In conclusion, I would advise you to never fall for the “allure” of rent-to-own. Instead of shelling out weekly payments, just dump that cash into a savings account and save for whatever you wish to buy. That way, you’d earn a bit of interest, you can buy a cheaper item, and if you change your mind, that money is still yours.

All of that being said, my TV is rent-to-own, so I could take it back at any time. But none of the money I’ve already put towards the TV will be refunded. However, I could cut my losses now and save almost $300 by buying an entirely different (and bigger) television. What do you think?

It’s a little odd that most people only say “Whoah, the future is here,” when a gadget from the pages of a sci-fi novel or James Bond movie hits the shelves. Tech consumers tend to lose their minds when a company recreates a pair of shoes from Back to the Future or something (perhaps rightfully so; that is pretty cool). But maybe this is to be expected. It seems reasonable that we aren’t able to realize the amount of “ordinary” technological wonders that surround us every day when advancements such as carrying the Internet in your pocket just kind of…crept up on us. Innovations of that nature didn’t just plummet into our laps (or palms) all-of-a-sudden. We were weaned onto those privileges. A plethora of technology surrounds us every single day, so it isn’t hard to imagine how we can get somewhat “bored” with “mundane” tasks such as whipping our phone out to check our Facebook, video chat with our friends, and unnecessarily hooking our computers up to our LCD flat-screen TVs to surf the web.

That being said, something interesting happened in the tech world recently, and it wasn’t another reiteration the iPhone. Good, quality camera glasses are here. ZionEyez hopes to deliver a method for sharing your point of view — quite literally — in realtime, across the web. The company’s first product, a set of 720p embedded camera-eyeglasses called Eyez, houses a tiny camera to the left of the standard-size eyeglass lens, with a processor, Bluetooth and WiFi module embedded in the adjacent ear piece.

The issue of privacy is first to come to mind — there’s really no way to tell that the glasses contain a tiny camcorder (with mono audio capture) without an up-close inspection. It’s not the first “spy cam” to come to market, however, though it may be the first with the possibility of becoming mainstream. Future Eyez owners will be responsible for disclosing when they hit record, so be sure to review (and observe) the laws for your locale.

The current prototype is limited to local storage — a separate, bulkier proto contained the radios necessary for wireless streaming. According to sample demonstration videos, the 720p video quality is unremarkable, with horizontal bands of noise in shadow areas, but let me remind you again that this is a very early prototype. The final version will be much sleeker (perhaps no larger than a pair of plastic Ray Bans), with much more polished video. Audio is a bit tinny as well, but there’s no problem understanding the speaker, as long as you aren’t recording in a noisy, cavernous room. Prospective consumers are told to expect between two and three hours of juice from the 350mAh battery, which you can charge using the proprietary USB cable.

ZionEyez reps weren’t able to confirm a release date, but they did confirm a $199 price tag and showed a mock-up of the final version, which looked fantastic. Since the Eyez themselves will be quite visible, exterior appearance is certainly not to be overlooked, but video quality is equally important.

If I could get my hands on these ocular bad boys, you could bet there’d be some interesting videos coming from this end of the Digital Devil; point-of-view instructional videos, a first-hand look at the atrocities of boys’ bathrooms, eye-to-eye interviews with Mrs. Taylor about her sweaters, etc. I’m sure if each reader chipped in a dollar or two every once in a while, I could have $200 towards some awesome spy camera glasses…

            Since its inception in 1998, Google has been continuously expanding its horizons. So much so that if one were to refer to Google as simply a search engine today, they would most likely be shot. Sergey Brin and Larry Page’s dorm room brainchild is now the most popular website ever  That being said, however, once any company or business entity has reached the acme of their field, they can’t just sit back and put their feet up. Thus, to keep up with the ever-evolving world around the most popular website on earth, yesterday Google launched its answer to Apple’s tremendously successful media monster, iTunes; Google Music.

            This isn’t the first time Google has altered the definition of a search engine. Google created Gmail, its own email system, in 2007 (beta 2004) and they’re currently trying their hand at social networking with Google Plus (stylized as Google+), launched in September of this year. In addition, Google has also acquired more than 100 other assets, including YouTube and Motorola Mobility. Yes, Motorola is the company that manufactures Android phones. The only way the fact that the value of Google’s combined assets is well over 60 billion USD should be a surprise is if you thought it should be higher.

But what’s the big deal about Google Music? Is it better than iTunes? Maybe. Only time will tell, but there are some key facts that could influence a prediction or two. Google Music lets you access your music library from any Android device (and even an iPad, if you’re using the Safari app) from anywhere, like a cloud. You can do this with iTunes in the Cloud, but that’ll run you about $25 a year and comes with a slew of conditions and restrictions. Amazon has limited free storage, and that’s about $20 a year. Google Music (the service, not the music) is FREE.

With Google Music, you’ll be able to conveniently share all of your music with your friends on Google+. Each friend can listen to each song once, and then it’s time to check out. Also, you can be more selective about which songs you want to share with your friends than if you were using a service like Spotify, which, if you link the two profiles together, shares every song you’re listening to on your Facebook feed. This can either be annoying or handy; it’s a matter of personal preference.

Google Music boasts a library of around 13 million songs at the moment. Compare that to iTunes’s 20 million and Spotify’s 15 million. Amazon has about the same amount as the rookie in question.

One definite downside is the accessibility. You HAVE to have an internet connection to access your library. This could be a lethal deal-breaker for most users. In a world of convenience, everyone wants to be able to carry their entire music collection in his or her pocket.

The main idea here is that Google Music is worth a shot, even if you don’t own an Android phone. Maybe this brand new service has some songs you can’t find on Amazon. Maybe it fixed some bugs from iTunes that really ticked you off. Go on, give it a try.

I knew that’s what you were thinking. “Hmm, I wonder what’s in Tyler Embry’s iTunes library at the moment.” Wow, what a coincidence! I just happen to have a nice little breakdown of some of my favorite albums in my iTunes library. Starting with the first album, listed alphabetically by artist…

• Pet Sounds, The Beach Boys– Paul McCartney has said on many occasions that this album is his all-time favorite. He’ll often sit and weep to the amazing compositions of Brian Wilson (lead singer of the Beach Boys). True story. Pet Sounds was listed by Rolling Stone as the second greatest album of all time, beaten only by Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. This is ironic, considering that some say that Sgt. Pepper’s was specifically crafted to match the prodigious “wow” factor of Pet Sounds, and may have not been created at all, had it not been for this wonderful masterpiece. When I first checked this album out from the public library (yeah, it’s there), I was just completely blown away, which is most certainly the understatement of my writing career. Listening to some of the wonderfully crafted melodies on this record moves me to sympathize with McCartney’s impulse to weep. It’ simply a beautifully perfect album, and it’s highly tragic that only a handful of people I know are even aware of this album’s existence. *sigh* You must hear this record as soon as possible. “I’m Waiting for the Day”
• Folds’ Complete Discography– Just a few weeks ago, I was pretty much indifferent to the music of Ben Folds. I liked a few of his songs, but he wasn’t anything special, in my harsh, unnecessarily judgmental opinion. Then Sam Mayes enlightened me to the caustic witty humor and musical stylings of Ben Folds. Man, this guy is awesome. It’s kind of weird when somebody just plops an entire discography in your lap at one time, though. Most folks just discover an artist’s works gradually; song by song, perhaps even album by album. But this was a wonderful overload of my musical senses. If you’re not into pop rock, I’d stay away from Folds’ stuff. But if you’re down for catchy music and piano-heavy melodies, check it out, yo. “Best Imitation of Myself”
• Sha Sha, Ben Kweller—Few people have heard of this guy. Why not? I mean, he was in a band with Ben Folds and Ben Lee, aptly named The Bens. SOLID ALBUM “Falling”
• Foo Fighters Complete Discography—Every rock fan should have a few Foos albums in their library. I admit that I haven’t listened to all of these songs, but I enjoy having new music readily available. SOLID BAND “Erase/Replace”
• Nirvana Complete Discography—I first got into Nirvana in middle school. I was practically obsessed with this stuff. It was literally all I would listen to. It provided a sturdy introduction to 90’s grunge and messy, raw music, but I soon realized that I should branch out and listen to more than just power chord-based Cobain riffs. I just recently re-acquired this set, though, because it brings back good memories and I’ve forgotten some of the sweet melodies here. “Heart Shaped Box”
• Kid A, Ok Computer, and King of Limbs, Radiohead—After several failed attempts, I understand that I can’t force Radiohead on anybody. You have to express an un-coaxed interest in this group to get the right first impression. Yes, they’re weird. Yes, it’s a different sound. That’s something you’re going to have to be willing to accept if you want to be a Radiohead fan. Open your mind, and you’ll find a treasure trove of mellow dream sequence-esque tracks to feast on. “Let Down”

I understand that if I have a child with a mentally sane female (which I plan on) I would never have a shot at bestowing any of these amazing names upon my children. A man can dream though…

(When two words are listed, the second word is the middle name. Assume they have my last name.)

BOYS

1. Steel Fist

• With a name as intimidating as STEEL FIST, my kid won’t necessarily have to be tough, just as long as everyone thinks he is.

2. Harry Potter

• C’mon. No explanation needed.

3. Fresh Prince

• “Now this is a story all about how my life got twisted upside down. I’d like to take a minute; just sit right there. I’ll tell you why my dad is an idiot…”

4. Thundercat

• It’s just powerful stuff. And you can’t argue with that logic.

5. Doritos Coke-Pepsi McDonalds

• Would we become loaded because of endorsement deals? I would think so.

6. McLennonStarrison

• This kid would be destined for musical greatness.

7. Zuck Markerberg

• Because honestly, it would just be funny. At least for the first few years of school.

8. Zzzzz

9. Tyler M. Embry, LXIV (full name)

• How amazed would people be when they see that this kid is supposedly the 64th person in a row named Tyler M. Embry?

10. David

• Nice name. That’s all.

GIRLS

1. Hermione Granger

• My daughter will be annoyingly correcting young Ron Weasleys like nobody’s business with this title. “Levi-o-sa, not Levio-sa“

2. Thunderkat

• I added a ‘k’ to make it feminine.

3. Metallica

• Aside from the fact that this just happens to be the namesake of a mega-popular thrash metal band from the 80′s, it’s a beautiful name.

4. No One

• Just imagine when they start using Facebook. “No One likes this.”

5. Pepper Ann

• (only if she inherits red hair somehow)

6. Agatha

• Because if she turns out to be a really nice and cool person, people wouldn’t associate this name with negative connotations!

7. Snookie

• Technically, I wouldn’t just name the kid Snookie right off the bat. I’d give her a normal name for a few years, just as a trial period. If she ends up a rotten egg, I’ll just alter some paperwork…

8. Embry Embry

• Absurd? No. Never.

9. Xena

• Just like her brother Steel Fist, she won’t have to be tough. But if anybody takes the risk and teases her anyway, she’ll still have the ability to place a spear through their heart. Or just break their jaw. This name comes with options.

10. Emaline.

• Hmm, how pretty.